Migraine Awareness Month #15: “Free Blog!”
“Blog on a Migraine related topic of your choice.”
I really like to incorporate a little humor with my “suffering”. Here is a repost of a funny favorite of mine; let me know what you think…
Ok, I had in my head all the things I’d do if I had a superpower or if I was a superhero and exactly what I’d brag about as I write my post. But wait – it looks as though I only have one day with this “power”. Hmmmm…
Well, here goes:
More powerful… than a rogue trigger!
Able to stop cortical spreading depression in a single brainwave!
Faster than a disintegrating triptan!
Holy Kryptonite, do I have my work cut out for me!
Here is a list of my superpowers (listed, of course in their order of importance):
Perfect health: As any superhero knows, you must be in better shape than ANY other mere mortal. The resulting perfect health will include absolutely zero pain, zero illness/disease, and zero bodily/mental issues regarding such.
Perfect adaptability: In keeping with superhero tradition, myadditional powers will include the ability to adapt to any environment or situation; these include (but are not limited to): weather/barometric changes (cyclic as well as quickly-approaching thunderstorms); unplanned emergencies, unpaid bills, and unexpected stays of any related/non-related “family member”; loss of sleep, gain of sleep, weekend sleep, weekday sleep, broken sleep, fragmented sleep, cat-naps, kitty-naps, long naps, winter naps, counting sheep, black sheep, white sheep, deep sheep… well, you get the point; exertion, exercise, lack of exercise, lounging, loitering, etc.
Other: Lastly, all those extra intolerables that any respectable superhero MUST not be crushed by; these are: perfume, stinky trash, fish scales, fish tails, smelly feet, ugly feet, good feet, good smells, bad smells and… rain; fluorescent lighting, mood lighting, dim lighting, bright lighting, candle lights, sunlight, and sunshine on my shoulders; hormones, pheromones, menopause, menstruation, lactation, perimenopause, progesterone, estrogen, testosterone, and puberty; finally, cheese, cheese-product – (soft cheese, hard cheese, in-between-cheese, etc), lima beans, fava beans, flat beans, fat beans, round & oval beans, navy beans, as well as army/air force/marine beans, alcoholic beverages, non-alcoholic beverages, dried fruit, canned meats, fresh meats, aged meats, greet ‘n meats, any and all nuts, MSG, EPA, EPT, ATM’s, BPA’s, NBA’s and M&M’s.
With my new superpowers and abilites, I promise to uphold the law, protect all citizens, and fight crime/migraine disease. My “day” would be like almost any other – except for the simple changes noted above (and… the fact that I’ll be rearranging the migraine community as we know it – no small feat, but I’ve got 24 hours!). With no limit to what I can accomplish, here is what that day will look like:
Ø Removal of all foods listed previously as “triggers”. Food is nourishment, meant to be ingested and should never be labeled in the same category as Roy’s (another in my lineage of “superhero”) horse…ever.
Ø Weather will remain a meteorological event: no victims will be taken; “barometric pressure” will now be only a measure of rain, not pain.
Ø Lighting – previously known as “a wolf in sheep’s clothing” – will now hold no special affinity; this once superpower of it’s own will continue to brighten the world, but not our neurons.
Ø Hormones will be sent to boot camp, taught a lesson, and reassigned as needed; perimenopause, menopause, rogue puberty and hot flashes will be considered a federal offense.
Ø Sleep will be encouraged, but not necessary; anyone losing it will get a rain check.
Ø “Stress” will be reclaimed as a pronunciation tool used by Italian professors during especially important exams.
Ø Lastly, in my service to all Migraineurs and the community at large, I will restructure the word “stigma” as a reference to an exquisite, perennial heirloom flower: soft, yet resilient; common, yet extraordinary; and decidedly adaptable to any/all meteorological, chronological, hormonal, cultural, natural or manmade/judged event. A real Keeper…
“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com “