Migraine Awareness Month #17: “Father Knows Best”
“Some understand Migraines, some don’t. Write a letter to your father or the man closest to you, and talk about Migraines.”
I’m writing this letter in hopes that we can sit down and talk about my Migraines. I know we’ve had this “talk” before, but I feel that you really don’t understand, especially after our last vacation when things got so bad for me just because I had so many Migraines. The stigma that seems to control so many others’ thoughts about Migraine seem to have the same hold over you; you say it’s not true – that you do understand, but understanding doesn’t look or feel like this. I can’t be ok with it: the person I live with, sleep with and love has to believe in me. Your misunderstanding makes this unacceptable disease unbearable…
I know you didn’t understand in the beginning; I really don’t think I did, either. I wasn’t this sick when we met – yeah, I had a few, but never more than one or two Migraines a month – sometimes not even that many. I could eat more, drink more, even party and hang out all day in the sun. Remember the headache I got when _________ was moving? it was so hot that day, but all I had to do was get out of the heat for awhile and get a cold tea. I don’t think I had even started taking Triptans yet… So yes, I do know that total understanding of this wasn’t even really required “back then”. But it is now.
This is what’s so bad for me: Almost every time I get really sick – when one really gets out of control – you are so hateful with me. It feels like such disaproval – like a parent aggravated by a child’s misbehavior. You are dismissive, angry, disapproving… I end up feeling so helpless since I already am helpless. Your hateful demeanor makes me feel afraid, depressed, desperate, pissed. I resign myself to the fact that once I do get better, I will never let you do this to me again. My anger at feeling so miserable while being so deprived of your feelings, your support, leaves me bitter. My mind replays these events over and over and I make deals with myself that I can’t continue to let this happen – I cannot allow myself to be this helpless again.
We have to come together on this; I need your support – you’re acceptance stands me back up in a world that so often lays me down. Please provide the shelter I know I can rely on when I can’t rely on myself…
“National Migraine Awareness Month is initiated by the National Headache Foundation. The Blogger’s Challenge is initiated by www.FightingHeadacheDisorders.com “