Health Activist Choice Day 2!! Woohooooo!!!! (Monday, April, 23rd, 2012)
I’d like to say that, “I sure love these ‘free to write whatever we want days’”, but that wouldn’t exactly be a true & honest statement (!!!). I actually do much better with a little direction, Thank you very much, and my mind usually produces a fairly reliable stream of data if given enough FIRM nudges (i.e. “prompts”).
When left to “my own devices” – well, ummm, uhhh, – I tend to do a pretty reliable bunch of…
But – I can produce, and I can think when no script is lying on the floor, so to speak… as long as I get my inner drill sergeant back on the job. And she is now at her post.
So, without further ado, here is my “Choice Day #23” Post:
I’ve had a lot on my mind lately (brought to you by WEGO HAWMC) and in a few of my notes from “leftovers” reclaimed from an earlier post, I noticed a few that really got me thinking (no easy feat when left with no “real” prompt cue to follow – read on, you’ll see what I mean…).
This batch of thoughts seems to revolve around my seemingly unfathomable mix of contradictory personality traits. I call this collection, “Unmistakable, Mistakenly – Me”
- I’m often positive, boldly strong and secure; but I can be negative, overly sensitive and as gloomy as a wet blanket. I usually avoid talking to anyone when in the latter mood(s), and hole myself up somewhere (literally and figuratively) until the feeling passes or when I HAVE TO come out. During the ‘positive’ days, I SEEK people, thoughts and adventures like a middle-aged “Crocodile Hunter”, but when the curmudgeon comes to town, hiding seems to be the best bet!
- I have a need to be “good” and accepted/fit in; but I have an almost parallel (and subconscious) need to be eclectic, slightly shocking, and un-average (Betty Crocker – “get out!!!”). Go figure…
- I prefer metaphor – in both writing style as well as in life – but I have a need (a fairly strong one, too…) to “say it like it is”. During conversations, my ’good’ side attempts to “cushion” the incoming blows of my true feelings or disagreement while I usually “beat around the bush…” This interesting personality trait usually tends to confuse and irritate most people I come in contact with…
- I prefer compassion and strive to be compassionate – I AM cut from “that mold”; but I tend to lose all feeling – as well as compassion – when pushed farther than my limit.
- I’m traditional and old-fashioned; but I’m also hugely liberal, tolerant and “out of the box”. I dislike judgment, stone-like points-of-view and closed-mindedness in all forms except in the cases of life-threatening bear-mauling or mugging. (Feel better now that I’ve got that one off my chest… whewwwww!!)
- I really love food (who doesn’t???) (at least the stuff my BRAIN allows me to eat…); but I love to exercise, get all-out sweaty and go ‘till I’m worn out! Then, I have the excuse to sit around, eat again and do nothing!!!!
- I’m mostly a serene & patient person and I dislike any form of confrontation; but I can become extremely angered, volatile and confrontational when the need arises. Sorry – hard to admit, but the truth.
- I always prefer to be outside/in the country; hiking or just adventuring – watching ants or other bugs/critters; looking for “finds”, animal-shaped rocks, playing on the beach; but I can have a totally “city mood” hit me. I love to dance, go to concerts and party (Oh, but the BRAIN decided years’ ago that “partying” was pretty much, out-of-the-question. So – I don’t do a lot of it these days). Also, I LOVE a big crowd (big dream – going to the Grammy’s or huge, star-studded parties).
- I have been shy my entire life. As I child, I hid behind my mom, talked to almost no one (until I got to know them – then stalked them and refused to leave them alone!!), and NEVER fit in any school (or “place”, for that matter… more details in another story…). I really AM, still shy, but I’ve perfected the “art” of disguising it. But, I am also hugely theatrical, love anything “out there” and artsy, and I can be the most animating – as well as ridiculous – person in any gathering! This, I’m sure, is my shockingly (subconscious) side making its Grand Appearance from time to time. This, un-shy side is also the my “part” that LOVES writing and all art forms – from exquisite paintings, children’s drawings and graffiti to uninhibited writing, poetry and quotes – love it!
- Lastly, (this one doesn’t contain any contradictions, just one final statement) I am very sensitive and highly intuitive. This appears to cause a lot of discomfort to the “shy side” (discussed above): It’s hard for me to cry in front of others; talk about or deal with certain things; acknowledge hurt or pain; or kill bugs – I take spiders and most bugs outside (except for ticks & yellow jackets – scary!). I believe, in most cases, when the emotional “things” happen, the silly, ridiculous; “shocky-side” comes out again. Apparently, this part of me takes over quite often. This sillyness, in turn, makes me appear (most of the time, I’m afraid…) to be fickle, slightly misguided and flip. Did I mention air-headed? Yeah, probably that, too. I have tried to work on this over the years, but I haven’t been able to squeeze too much from it. I believe this is more than likely the reason for my being misunderstood so often (especially if you meet me in person – I’m more “myself” on paper…).
This leads me to my closing statement. Pondering on all these “disclosures” (I may really regret this later!!!), makes me realize something: None of us really knows the other. As I read my own words, I think about how many of us feel this way too..
Do we really know what someone else goes through; what they REALLY worry about or truly feel; how much pain they may be in or have felt in the past or just recently (maybe that day, in fact?)? Do we believe we have the answers on how smart or “stupid” someone is? If you think you do have the “market” on this, how do you know? Do you really know? Are you sure?
- Now, more that ever and especially in the case of chronic illness, be kind to those around you whenever possible.
- Allow them the same – and maybe even more – compassion than you would otherwise have for them.
- Realize that you probably don’t know everything there is to know about a person. So many intricacies about us CANNOT be seen.
- Attempt to live a less judgmental life. Remember, the life you forgive/understand might just be your own.